I am a Black woman and I like to think I know everything. Especially about White people. I like to think I’m a connoisseur of White folks, if you will. So it’s with great humility that I acknowledge that there were quite a few things that I did not know and actually got wrong about White men. It goes without saying that everything else I was right about. Nevertheless, the things I was wrong about are certainly worth noting and are therefore outlined below.
Misconception #1: They don’t like Butts
I know this sounds dumb but I literally believed this. Call me naive but I blame Sir Mix-A Lot for this one. His famous chart topping song “Baby Got Back” contains the lyric “turn around, stick it out, even white boys got to shout, Baby got back.” From this I deduced that except in very small specific instances, white men didn’t care about butts. Plus, I’d never heard a white man comment on butts or look at them. It always seemed they were talking about breasts and legs.
But then after being with my man for a bit I noticed that he seemed really into my behind. I was genuinely confused. So I asked him, what was up. Turns out he likes them a lot and insisted so did a lot of white dudes. He thought I was crazy for assuming otherwise. I said I’d never heard white men talk about them. He explained that just because they’re not rapping about ass doesn’t mean they’re not all about it. White men apparently DO like butts, they’re just quiet about it. Noted white man. Duly noted.
Misconception #2: They don’t use Body Lotion
Lotion is a big deal to black people. At least in my family. Not being ashy is a top priority. If your enemy found themselves suddenly ashy, even if you hated them, you’d lend them lotion. Moisturized skin is essential. If cleanliness is next to Godliness then Evilness is next to ashiness.